Let's face it: I spend a lot of time at the gym. That doesn't mean that I'm in better shape, just that I'm slow. Since the most crowded gym month is fast approaching, I thought I'd share a few things I've picked up over the years.
10. Every gym has its Naked Woman In The Locker Room. She is usually over 40, unusually tall, and loves eye contact.
9. Every gym also has its Smelly Man On The Elliptical. Or sometimes the stairmaster. If he's smelly once, he will be smelly again. Nobody wants to make him feel bad, but be aware some odors can carry the distance of five or six ellipticals.
8. Don't be fooled by guest passes. You will be asked for your firstborn child and your car keys, and will only enter after gathering a barrel of honey from your neighborhood beehive.
7. If you notice yourself becoming angry, you are probably watching too much Fox News and CNN.
6. Farting during yoga class: you laugh, you get kicked out. Or so I've heard.
5. Personal trainers are model flirters. My favorite overheard quote: "Pain is temporary. Wedding pictures are forever."
4. Don't worry, everybody has dropped their ipods. Those things are sturdy.
3. Note the men who have perfected the weightlifting swagger. They travel in groups. Don't steal their machines. Also, if the freeweights are scattered all over the room, it's usually their fault.
2. Even at the gym, everybody fights over the closest parking spaces.
1. The best day to go: Super Bowl Sunday. It's way better than even Thanksgiving or Christmas. God Bless America!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
good to know.. although I'm still deathly afraid of the gym. i peeked inside one one time and then ran away.
In Scandinavia there are more Naked Women in Locker Rooms... it is precisely then that you realize that the (real)blond population is alive and well.
Oh! and a lot of Naked Men in Locker Rooms. Scandinavia is a very open region haha
loved this!!
Sheer genius.
Post a Comment