God, therapy, and mommyhood

Hello again, blog! Time flies! I can't believe how long it's been since my last post. I apologize for neglecting you. Maybe it's true what they say, that contentment is bad for creativity. No, I think I've just been busy.

One thing has happened: there's a little human being in my belly. How crazy is that? I can already feel her fluttering around in there. She's been very good to me so far. I haven't felt that different, except for tiredness. So. Tired.

I notice it most at work. I feel more impatient, like I have less to give emotionally. I worry I may have lost a few people as a result. I try to tell myself that God is giving me what I can handle for the day, and the people who need me. The thing is, I don't have a job where I can have occasional checked-out, tired days. I've had those jobs before, where you can coast through sometimes and stare into space. That's about what I feel like doing. Well, what I really feel like doing is taking naps and picking flowers. Is that so wrong?

I feel I need to be "on" most of the time as a therapist. After all, that's what I would want from a therapist. People are making time and spending more than they want to see me.  And when I'm able to be, I'm frequently, almost daily, in awe of the inspiring, profound, thought-provoking, sacred, crazy and even fun! moments that happen. Other days, I don't have it in me and just want people to be okay, fast.

I work for an organization that promotes "faith-integrated counseling." We used to be "pastoral counseling." At first, I was worried my personal beliefs would clash. I'm not sure I can be any authority on helping people get to know God. I'm realizing, though, that the joke is on me--I'm the one getting to know God better. I turn to God more and more for guidance (not to mention soothing--plenty of sessions I need to do some deep breathing and say a little prayer!). Sometimes I feel like God says stuff to me through my clients. I don't know why some people get better and others don't...I think it's often in God's hands.

Being pregnant has a way of turning my mind to God, too. Who understands such a miracle? With both work and baby, all I can do is show up and, as Ti would say, "open myself to something greater."

   

On Planning a Wedding

As we sat together looking at our wedding pictures, Jason turned to me and said, "That was really fun. Let's do it again." "Yes!" I said, "Do you think anyone would notice if we sent out invitations again saying, 'Hey everybody, we're getting married, come to our wedding...'?"

Lots of people talk about how stressful it is to plan a wedding...how wrapped up in materialism and meaningless traditions...so expensive it could be a down payment on a house...a huge industry preying on women's ideals. Well yeah. So. I used to think those things too, but in the end it didn't feel that way.

I loved it all. I learned a lot about myself, about Jason, about covenants and family. I think I'll have some friends getting married in the next couple years, and if I could pass along any lessons learned, I would have a few:

-Do it. Yes, it's expensive, and a lot of work, and it can be stressful negotiating family stuff. But creating such a transcendent moment is worth everything. To be surrounded by as many loved ones as possible, celebrating hope and love and commitment, is one of those sublime memories that will stay with me forever. You never know what will happen with houses or anything else you can spend money on...but that experience is irreplaceable.

-More than just that night, the process of clarifying our intentions was incredibly meaningful. Our pastor asked us, "What is it exactly that you want to promise to each other?" Answering that question was a dynamic process that put us in touch with something sacred and wise and creative in each other.

I've had a couple friends lose relationships recently, either through death or another's trouble with commitment and intimacy. It used to feel overwhelming to me to think about a lifetime commitment. Who knows what can happen in a lifetime? How can I promise that? But I am reminded that we are really only borrowing our loved ones for as long as the Universe allows us to have them. Why not fully BE THERE while you can? I dearly hope it's a very long time. I no longer understand viewing marriage as a huge, lumbering sacrifice of the self. It's precisely because we can't predict what will happen in a lifetime, or how long that lifetime may be, that I want to wholeheartedly commit to being there heart and soul. It feels good to have that intention, because each moment, and its intention, are all we really have.

My Sister's Toast

We did it! We got married!

It was a truly magical night, full of hope, love, an amazing community and pure joy. One of the best moments that I will remember forever was my sister's toast. When she got up to speak, the whole room was enthralled, with everyone hushing and then laughing and then hushing and then crying. She inspired everyone sitting there with us, taking part in our commitment. I wanted to share it with the world.

Hi there- For those of you who don't know me. I'm Nicole. Robin's sister. I've always been Robin's one and only sister and Thank God for that .... Because she's an incredible person and I am really glad to have that special "in" -- to get on the list of people who are lucky enough to know her big heart and insightful, courageous spirit. To get invited to this party. So, I'll just start this by gushing - Rockin' Robo Robin I LOVE YOU.

For those of you who just started listening... Hi, I'm Nicole. Jason's sister-in-law. I've been Jason's one and only sister in law for about an hour … And so far he's an incredible person -- kind and courageous and funny PLUS I get to send him texts with random medical questions - like why does my stomach growl and do you think I'll lose my injured toe nail (Here's a pic)?? So 5' 17" Jason "Chance" Chancer (man who loves nick names) You have officially earned another one … You are Uncle Jason to those little flower girls over there. (Ella stood on a chair and just BEAMED.) And we are lucky to have you as part of our family.

Robin and Jason care about family. I've seen it in the way they love on my kids. I've seen it in they way they brought our two families together. We've all seen it in things like the blessing of the rings. We each have a part in this marriage - in supporting and loving you two amazing people as you promise to love and support each other most of all.

Robin has mentioned at least 4 times over the last year how much it means to her when people are genuinely excited for them and their engagement. As she told clients, friends, or just wore a veil around Las Vegas… people have sincerely wished her and Jason well and been excited for them. I've seen this touch your heart deeply because family and community matter to you both so much…

But it also struck me...

No matter what we see happening around us in the world, there's something sacred about marriage … two amazing people, who are awesome on their own, team up and promise to love each other unconditionally for their entire lives … and we all feel a sense of Hope; Some sense that this is what life's all about.

Robin and Jason - your marriage is more than just a ceremony. You are the hope of the world. :)

So, since we all have so much riding on this sucker, I (as your matron of honor… AKA Lead Bridesmaid) have a little pep talk for you before the game clock starts.

Be grateful. Love is a gift. Treat each other like the person you are hoping to marry soon rather than the person you are now stuck with. Robin is a gift. Jason is a gift. Remember you don't owe each other anything. Let each touch, smile, word, and dish washed be an unexpected gift.

Let it go. Whatever is bugging you about the other one… LET IT GO. Quickly. Decide to love them more than that thing that bugs you. Let it go.

Hang on. Whatever it is you love about each other… there will be days it is not true. Robin will not be beautiful or kind or well-spoken, Jason will not be funny or brave or intelligent… these times might be short but it will be long enough to make you question everything. So hang on. Dig in - To loving the deepest, most epic and personal parts of each other. The parts you cannot list or recite. The parts that defy explanation because they are the core of him or her. Love that part on the hard days.

Share everything with each other. Protect each other. Love each other. Never give up. Never put anything or anyone above your marriage.

We believe in you. We are so excited for you! We support and love you both. We've blessed and warmed those rings… now, love the heck out of each other.