On Planning a Wedding

As we sat together looking at our wedding pictures, Jason turned to me and said, "That was really fun. Let's do it again." "Yes!" I said, "Do you think anyone would notice if we sent out invitations again saying, 'Hey everybody, we're getting married, come to our wedding...'?"

Lots of people talk about how stressful it is to plan a wedding...how wrapped up in materialism and meaningless traditions...so expensive it could be a down payment on a house...a huge industry preying on women's ideals. Well yeah. So. I used to think those things too, but in the end it didn't feel that way.

I loved it all. I learned a lot about myself, about Jason, about covenants and family. I think I'll have some friends getting married in the next couple years, and if I could pass along any lessons learned, I would have a few:

-Do it. Yes, it's expensive, and a lot of work, and it can be stressful negotiating family stuff. But creating such a transcendent moment is worth everything. To be surrounded by as many loved ones as possible, celebrating hope and love and commitment, is one of those sublime memories that will stay with me forever. You never know what will happen with houses or anything else you can spend money on...but that experience is irreplaceable.

-More than just that night, the process of clarifying our intentions was incredibly meaningful. Our pastor asked us, "What is it exactly that you want to promise to each other?" Answering that question was a dynamic process that put us in touch with something sacred and wise and creative in each other.

I've had a couple friends lose relationships recently, either through death or another's trouble with commitment and intimacy. It used to feel overwhelming to me to think about a lifetime commitment. Who knows what can happen in a lifetime? How can I promise that? But I am reminded that we are really only borrowing our loved ones for as long as the Universe allows us to have them. Why not fully BE THERE while you can? I dearly hope it's a very long time. I no longer understand viewing marriage as a huge, lumbering sacrifice of the self. It's precisely because we can't predict what will happen in a lifetime, or how long that lifetime may be, that I want to wholeheartedly commit to being there heart and soul. It feels good to have that intention, because each moment, and its intention, are all we really have.