On God

"What is it you hope to gain from these pursuits?"


I was asked while strolling in a field, talking about religion, as I am wont to do.


I was stumped. The question, honestly, had never occurred to me. I've been asking about God since I could talk. Why not?


Several times in the last week, I have found myself in long, winding, oddly social conversations about religion.

Usually, I can't articulate a coherent belief system, so I clam up and go back to my reading and thinking and secret moments of quivering revelation.

First there were my roommates, from Israel and China. We spent all of a Tuesday evening talking about Judaism and Christianity and the Chinese exclusion of religion. A couple Bud Lights with Lime (so delicious!), and I found myself arguing for the scholarly evidence to scripture, the leaps of faith we all (even scientists) make, the importance of keeping the baby without the bathwater.

This stuff has sat with me since I was little. No matter where I go, when I hear it again I think, "You're right!"

Then Tamar talks about the exquisite complexity of Judaism, Xianmin the Chinese commitment to country and self-sacrifice ("We don't matter," he says), and I think, "You're right!"


I just finished reading The Bhagavad Gita:

“There is neither this world nor the world beyond nor happiness for the one who doubts.”

"Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is."

"Still your mind in me, still yourself in me, and without a doubt you shall be united with me, Lord of Love, dwelling in your heart."

"I desire neither victory nor pleasure nor kingdom, O Krishna. What is the use of the kingdom, or enjoyment, or even life?"

"For those who wish to climb the mountain of spiritual awareness, the path is selfless work. For those who have attained the summit of union with the Lord, the path is stillness and peace."

My heart lets loose, "You're right!"

Then at a rooftop party, beers in our hands (a theme here...?), I ran into a guy who grew up in a Church of Christ, the same type of church I went to. He talked about how Christianity often takes the joy out of faith, creates too much exclusion, focuses on meaningless details. I find myself arguing vehemently that we must focus on the central message of religions, not dismiss them for their problems. I think, "We're both right!"

Eventually, I was able to articulate the glorious cognitive dissonance in my own brain. And the strange joy of living in it.